All Chelsea Handler Quotes
- The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting. Britney
- I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense. Any
- I didn't become a comedian to work this hard. Comedian
- Women don't have to be jealous of other women. Inspirational
- To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and… Always Believe
- We women have to stick together. Inspirational
- I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother… Aunt
- Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway. Anally
- We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception. Comedy
- Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.' Answer
- Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to… Adoption
- You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU Dog
- A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and… Allowed
- I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what… Antithetical
- I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied—so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I… Bullied
- I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows. Heavier
- People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should… Ask
- It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. Accused
- I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid. Any
- You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop… Always Speak