Cooks Quote by Anthony Jeselnik

“When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.”

Anthony Jeselnik

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More by Anthony Jeselnik

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and…

Anthony Jeselnik

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I…

Anthony Jeselnik

I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

Anthony Jeselnik

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About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I…

Anthony Jeselnik

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.

Anthony Jeselnik

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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

Anthony Jeselnik

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I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Explore all 204 Anthony Jeselnik quotes

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Most people who open restaurants will fail, because they lack the fundamental understanding of restaurant math. Either they think they're superstar cooks or they…

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Lord, you're Irish," said Will. "Can you make things that don't have potatoes in them? We had an Irish cook once when I was…

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What's given, in fact, always depends on the person or thing it's given to. A minor incident in the street brings the cook to the door and entertains him more than I would be entertained by contemplating the most original idea, by reading the greatest book, or by having the most gratifying of useless dreams. If life is basically monotony,…

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I'll cook the water...

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A combination of the qualities of the scholar, the master cook, the painter, the gastronomer, the sportsman and the pantologist, assisted by the skill…

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Larousse is an invaluable tool for any cook. I've used this great resource all throughout my cooking career, and of course I look forward…

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There's a side to reality TV that is part education, as well. I've seen that since doing "MasterChef Junior," in terms of the effect it has on the confidence given these young kids from 8 to 13, a quality life skill. Even if they never pursue cooking as a job or a career, just learning how to cook for yourself…

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