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Humor Quote by Andy Weir

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““If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.””

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More by Andy Weir

“But seeing his status doesn’t help,” Mindy said. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a…

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“But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

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“God damn it! I yelled to him. Will you stop wining about your problems during my murder!”

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“One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They're not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I'm sure they cost $50,000 because…

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“Fortunately, when you spend a lot of time in space, you learn how to shit in a bag.”

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“Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”

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“I’m leaving Mars today, one way or another. About fucking time.”

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A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Don't wait for an inspired ending to come to mind. Work your way…

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“Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.”

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“Oh,” Lewis said, “well if you won’t let us then— Wait…wait a minute….I’m looking at my shoulder patch and it turns out I’m the…

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Thanks to our modern era, facts are incredibly easy to come by. A few web searches for your subject matter, and you have all…

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I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’.

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Explore all 198 Andy Weir quotes

More Humor quotes

'Mad TV' is one of my most favorite shows of all time and is a huge part of my obsession with sketch comedy.

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When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions…

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Joking about violence is not funny.

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In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.

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“...I haven't guessed where your shirt is from yet Bane, but I don't think it'll matter once it's underwater!' Tristan looked at Bane questioningly. Bane rolled his eyes and stage whispered: 'She asked why I cared so much about getting her dirty, teary face all my new shirt earlier, and asked where I got it from anyway. I said: 'Guess',…

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”

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“Not wise, perhaps, to be rude to the Pope's favorite son, but my viper tongue still required a fool now and then on which…

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In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but…

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“[S]ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn’t cross your mind until it’s too late. (Once, for example, when I was just starting out in the food business, I was hired by the caper people to develop a lot of recipes using capers, and it was weeks of tossing capers into just…

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

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“I only have two words to say More or Less”

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“ “Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes, I say--Northerners.” Roy Blount, Jr., Roy Blount’s Book of Southern Humor”

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