I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It is never appropriate to comment on a woman's breasts. I would never do it on the street or at a supermarket,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Living in a foreign country is one of those things that everyone should try at least once. My understanding was that it… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I met a young woman the other day, and she said, what advice would you have for a writer, and I said… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing helped to have jobs that involved running around, pushing things like dish carts and wheelbarrows. It would be hard to sit… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
