If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Granola didn't sell very well when it was good for you. Now it has caramel, chocolate, marshmallow, saturated fat and sweeteners with… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Brenda [Carlin] went into therapy and I soon joined her. First we put the drugs behind us, then we began serious work… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“Brenda [Carlin] went into therapy and I soon joined her. First we put the drugs behind us, then we began serious work on our relationship. And, in time, we got well together.She just drove through a hotel lobby. Now, that's bottoming out.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/8c8/george-carlin-155_behinds_brenda-carlin-went-into-therapy-and-i-so_1119009.jpg)
