“Cats have tongues with the texture of bricks, and fur as warm and soft as blankets.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket cold be used as truth. At least it’s so warm, it must be used that way. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I feel like something warm. Apple pie, with two slices of bread and roast beef, covered in a winter coat.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could make a good hood on a car, because it’s flat and warm and I don’t currently have a hood.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep your body warm. After all, your body starts cooling off rapidly once you die. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People used to tell me that when I smile I really warm up the room. Well, the moment someone told me about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress the will of the people. Every politician needs to keep this in mind when trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
