Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
