“Dr. Chuck “Chuckles” Gigglebrooks, lead researcher at the National Association of Laughter Studies, had this conclusion to draw about why people laugh:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were a mad scientist, I’d use a brick in an angry way. And if I were a mad scientist, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The fields of science are full of crop circles that can't yet be explained by scientific means.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If artists often get famous posthumously, then there is only one thing for me to do—fake my own death. Or I could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure water levels through what scientists call hydrostatics. If you throw a brick into the ocean,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You want to tell me what this is? she asked as she gabbed my erection. “A miracle of science,” I replied.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress yawns. Just curl up in the technological wonder that is a blanket, lay your head… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My birthday is coming up. I was born on March 5th, 1982. Humans have come a long way since then—nearly 30 years,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Through the miracle of science, or divine intervention, a brick could be made soft, like Jell-O, and a blanket could be made… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to ward off warts. I tested it out last Tuesday on my Aunt Velma, and she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If science took my IQ and spread it evenly among the world's population, like mental mayonnaise, we'd have more art, less war,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
