“The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the spirit of slumber parties, I want to have a sleepover and invite only narcoleptics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people think nature is their God. I'd like to apologize to all those people for pissing on their religion.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in religious ceremonies. After all, it is slightly better than using live human sacrifices.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Helping others without anticipating or expecting others to help you in return, that is the path to spiritual prosperity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is when you love someone’s spirit as much as their body, even if their spirit has departed and their body is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The spirit is tied to the brain—for the brain makes us who we are. So if our spirit lives after death, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to revive the spiritual movement in America. But are we as a people willing to accept the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re not so different, you and I. Sure, we may have different religious beliefs, political outlooks, sexual orientations, economic viewpoints, and artistic/literary/culinary… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Having a good life doesn’t mean nothing bad happens. It means using sadness and setback as mechanisms for spiritual growth. That’s the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Making art can be a mystical, spiritual experience. Sort of like golfing on water, which I haven’t done, because I’m more Michael… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With any new business deal, don’t think about how much you can afford to get—think about how much you can afford to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
