“Gillette--The best a man can get." I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was meant to be one of… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Jimmy put in a word and told them that if I made it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself without… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
