You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've set my own rules to live by. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Political discourse has been reduced to "Where's the beef?" "Read my lips," and "Make my day." Where are the assassins when we… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches?… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. It presents itself… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If I had been in charge of reorganizing the government’s security agencies into a homeland defense organization, I would have divided the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital M tattooed on each cheek of your ass in pink and brown ink. Then when you bend over, it says "Mom." Also, later on if you're havin' sex with your girlfriend, and her parents are in… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day, or only a few hours, instead of four or five days. And I began to want to stop. One of the proudest moments of my life was at a rock-'n'-roll theater in New Jersey. A guy… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
