“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My grandfather, mother and father were gifted verbally, and my mother passed that along to me. She always made sure I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you had yourself cloned, who exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The older I got, the more apparent it became that my mother was losing control over me. She fought back fiercely with… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see... 'We are the Proud Parents of a Child who has resisted his teacher's attempts… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone - although I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a natural area… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. "You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits." And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every…” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/dda/george-carlin-155_advertising_my-mother-and-her-plans-for-my-future-sh_1170518.jpg)
