How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?"… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
