Millions Quotes by Conan O'Brien

12 Millions quotes by Conan O'Brien

All Millions quotes Conan O'Brien’s page

Conan O'Brien turns the concept of millions into a playground for satire. In twelve jokes, he pokes fun at everything from celebrity culture to everyday absurdities, delivering a light‑hearted perspective.

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A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it.

Conan O'Brien

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'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.

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People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that…

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California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.

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It was reported today that former Governor Howard Dean raised $14 million dollars in campaign funds mostly over the Internet. Of course,…

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President Obama, by the way, has set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama…

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Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes…

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The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So…

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In Iraq, four American soldiers have been arrested and charged with stealing a million dollars cash. After hearing about it the Fox…

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John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise…

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Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband…

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Mexico is offering a $3.8 million reward for information leading to the capture of the escaped billionaire drug lord, El Chapo. Mexico…

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A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect…

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NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To…

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People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

Conan O'Brien

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A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE…

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Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how…

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The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on…

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LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they…

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A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other…

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Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,…

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President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to…

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The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

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“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”

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John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said…

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President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was…

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President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice…

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