According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If it turns out that the Mayans are right and the world is going to end, you know what this means? Lindsay… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A petition to have Justin Bieber deported got over 100,000 signatures, which means the White House now has to legally rule on… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Political analysts say that President Bush's re-election strategy is to try and convince Americans that he's a war president. I don't get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new study published by The British Medical Journal found that inactivity can kill you. I mean, these are the kind of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't mean to harp on this, but it's like the networks are a how-to manual for terrorists. You see them on… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean, his people were backstage that night and they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American Taliban John Walker Lindh has pleaded guilty to two counts of terrorism and will face twenty years in prison. I guess… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I always tell new people in show business. I say, "Look, show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you're… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democrats are all over this. Democratic strategists feel John Kerry's war record means he can beat Bush. They say when it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists in Australia are working on making biodegradable car parts out of hemp. This might get confusing. When someone says, roll up… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
