Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Marco Rubio announced he's running for president. Fun fact: Marco Rubio's wife is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader. In other words, she… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, 'Just keeping my options open. It's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Last night's vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the presidential debate. Did you know… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday in Egypt, archaeologists discovered the burial site for the 50 children of Ramses II...Fifty children! What I want to know is,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran"… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People are mad a Donald Trump for allegedly making a joke about Megyn Kelly having her period. Trump said, 'Trust me, I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, Sea World said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Presidential candidate Donald Trump had a meeting with Ted Cruz. He said he does not know why he agreed to fly to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
