Jokes Quotes · Page 73

I think it's worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are, in their knock-knock jokes and earnest…

— Ayelet Waldman

It is an old baseball joke that big-inning baseball is affirmed in the Bible, in Genesis. "In the big inning, God created...

— George Will

Put in every joke that's not a dud and then let's just start pulling the ones that work the least. You're just…

— Jason H. Moore

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that; they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.

— Linda Cardellini

I don't like to argue with females, I'm simply explaining why I'm right....

— Kevin McCarty

You see, the way my bank account is set up...

— Kevin Hart

Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are dead ?

— Anonymous

Call me Meier," Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke .

— Philip Jose Farmer

There were plenty of times some writers would make some kind of stupid joke to each other and then it was on…

— Jon Glaser

Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today,…

— Cassandra Clare

“I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take…

— M.J. McGuire

Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they…

— Billy Corgan

I like to joke that I probably hold the world record for rejection letters. Yes, the truth is that I was fed…

— Ashwin Sanghi

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the…

— Emo Philips

I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, 'Another box arrived!' Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books,…

— Lisa Ling

Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to…

— Nick Hornby

I used to think it was so funny that plankton was married to his computer, but now I realized that's probably my…

— Sponge Bob

You: When I grow up Im gonna go to the moon. Me: Im afraid youre too late, NASA isnt sending the monkeys…

— Bubbly

Laughing at your own joke so hard that you can barely tell it.

— Anonymous

Donald Trump has shown that he will essentially attack individuals, make Second Amendment jokes.

— Reid Hoffman

You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is…

— Fede Alvarez

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women.…

— David Cross

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over…

— Woody Allen

Someone has remarked that 'An ideal math talk should have one proof and one joke and they should not be the same'.

— Ronald Graham

Police have special ability from an ice. Whenever police say 'FREEZE!!' all people that they want will frozen

— Anonymous

I have shielded myself against the volley of jokes that I have been made the subject of.

— Alok Nath

Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings!

— Anonymous

I'm not an optimist but hopefully one day I will be.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel…

— Pete Davidson

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the…

— Anonymous

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.

— Tina Fey

if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke.

— Kiera Cass

A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke

— Max Eastman

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

— Daniel Tosh

My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.

— Judah Friedlander

If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works.

— Nikhil Saluja

There’s only one subject for fiction or poetry or even a joke: how it is. In all the arts, the payoff is…

— Robert Stone