Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of… — Jim Bouton Copy Share Image
When I was in high school, I was dating this girl and wanted to make her birthday really special. I showed up… — Dave Franco Copy Share Image
All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I think the serious things really are the things that make for happiness--people and things that are compatible, love.... So many people… — William Faulkner Copy Share Image
I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I remember watching an old Dracula movie once with Alphonse and having him laugh himself sick at the sight of a vamp… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
I joke, but I only half joke, that if you come to one of our hospitals missing a limb, no one will… — Abraham Verghese Copy Share Image
“Okay, that one's pretty good," Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about… — Bridget Zinn Copy Share Image
You have to have that emotional investment in the jokes that you're saying otherwise they actually don't work. You can say exactly… — John Bishop Copy Share Image
The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke… — Bassem Youssef Copy Share Image
New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
When I'm concentrating, I can be fixed in place for hours. In fact, there was a joke in my office that everybody… — Sonia Sotomayor Copy Share Image
I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
You want eggs with your jokes or just an ass whoopin.. Kids these days think there smarter than the average bear.. But… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
English doctors have killed 3/4 of my friends & the joke is the remaining 1/4 go on recommending them, so odd is human nature. — Nancy Mitford Copy Share Image
Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want… — Marilyn Monroe Copy Share Image
I like the rough impersonality of New York ... Human relations are oiled by jokes, complaints, and confessions-all made with the assumption… — Bill Bradley Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What I didn't realize is that the writing process for comedies is that you do your table read, and if you aren't… — David Morse Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Science, the largest religion of the twentieth century, had become tarnished by images of exploding space shuttles, crack babies, and a generation… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
We see how popular Bernie Sanders was, and it might have mattered. It might have made that Democrat ticket a little bit… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
I got to draw shapes. I really like to draw funky, geometric shapes. And I got to use just different fonts and… — David Rees Copy Share Image
I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens, but also that's alive: they respond, they're getting… — Dan Hicks Copy Share Image
What's the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you've fooled me, what's behind that blur? Is it… — Persia Copy Share Image
I don't think fast enough on my feet in terms of the writing to change the script too much when I'm shooting… — Kenneth Lonergan Copy Share Image
When a woman says there in a relationship there friends are like text me I want to hear all about him.. Guys… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
This specter of the female politician, who abandons her family to neglect for the sake of passing bills in parliament, is just… — Frances Power Cobbe Copy Share Image
Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Once you've heard the joke, it's not funny anymore, but it's the way it's told. And I think that's the same with… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
![“All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either [Satan] or God will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specially of each man.” quote by C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/eea/c-s-lewis-2-132_gods-will_all-the-time-the-joke-is-that-the-word-m_2193820.jpg)
