Jokes Quotes · Page 71

I always thought of Levittown as a joke.

— Bill Griffith

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

— Mike Myers

Pulled pork jokes never get old.

— Joel Edgerton

If you just heard 90 percent of dentists recommend something, it's too statistical. Nine out of 10 says: Well, it's just virtually…

— Frank Luntz

I always thought it was important to overdeliver, and when I got one of my first jobs, writing jokes for Garry Shandling…

— Judd Apatow

I once played the chief part in a rather exciting business without ever once budging from London . And the joke of…

— John Buchan

The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is…

— P. J. O'Rourke

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.

— Bill Hicks

The way I figured it, keeping quiet was safe. Words could betray you if you chose the wrong ones, or mean less…

— Anonymous

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or…

— Gabriel Iglesias

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

— Mitch Hedberg

I heard my name." Ash's voice startles me. "You tow better not be making fun of me about this stupid bra Mama's…

— Abbi Glines

Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle... and not just in the…

— Bono

I actually imagined 'Thunderbolts' as a straight-up comedy book in a lot of ways, like a very dark comedy book, whereas 'Red…

— Charles Soule

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

— Dave Attell

It's only happy hour if a hot girl is sharing your drinks. Otherwise it's just drowning your misery.

— Nikhil Saluja

A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there.

— Lisa Lampanelli

I love working with older actors because number one, I can learn so much from them because they have so much experience.…

— Donnie Yen

I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting…

— Johnny Depp

Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for…

— F Abahusain

I remember the first joke that I made, which went over terribly. I was at my cousin's birthday party in Brooklyn. I…

— Zach Woods

Standing as a witness in all things means all things - big things, little things, in all conversations, in jokes, in games…

— Margaret D. Nadauld

The joke isn't too soon, the tragedy is too late.

— John Alejandro King Aka The Covert Comic

Woody Allen once said: "You know there must be intelligent life in space. The question is do they have good Chinese restaurants…

— Gene Wolfe

So in the end it wasn't Gödel, it wasn't Turing, and it wasn't my results that are making mathematics go into an…

— Gregory Chaitin

If a handful of people look at the making of the film and realize, "Oh, my god!" It was so complicated. It…

— Rob Letterman

I honestly and truly love and believe in what I'm making, and it's not a joke, whereas some people would take a…

— Casey Spooner

If only the Titanic had hit a 'dry ice' berg.

— MJ McGuire

What did the Ocean say to the other Ocean?...Nothing they just Waved...Did you Sea what I did there?...I'm Shore you did!

— Anonymous

I do wear wigs. ... I sometimes make the joke about me standing on a hilltop with my hair blowing in the…

— Dolly Parton

Your fingernails are a joke, you've got no fangs, you can't see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are…

— Bill Watterson

I have a problem with telling jokes about physics. Quite often the audience have no idea what you are talking about and,…

— Robin Ince

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

— Henry Cate VII

You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nobody sold prints then and prices didn't mean anything. In terms of earning your living, it was a joke.

— Garry Winogrand

On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly…

— Michael Leunig

Rob and I both have a problem with taking jokes too far.

— Ayda Field

Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

— Anonymous

You have to make a joke every 10–15 minutes. It’s a way of keeping up morale.

— Silvio Berlusconi

You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help…

— Brad Thor