I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It… — Marie Ponsot Copy Share Image
Facebook is now like home. If you don't come back in 24 hours it means you are either lost, dead, sick or… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
“You didn’t put up a protective shield?” “The shields I found on the Internet involved human sacrifice and down payment of my… — A. Kirk Copy Share Image
Now and again there will be the occasional joke about owing someone two dollars from the days in '63 when I was… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
The sun isn't your friend. It didn't laugh at that stupid little joke. But when the business failed, when your beauty failed,… — Sy Safransky Copy Share Image
Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and… — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
I always joke about letting the haters motivate you. Everybody has that in their life, people who doubt them or make them… — Jennifer Lopez Copy Share Image
I am never happy when I finish a book. I always start feeling good, and then I get to about Page 75… — Sarah Dessen Copy Share Image
This is going to sound pretentious, but I like comedy that addresses something I find either worrisome or interesting in my life.… — Zach Woods Copy Share Image
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical,… — Alan King Copy Share Image
What I always look for is someone that really knew how to lean up against a bar, get a drink, sit on… — Matthew McConaughey Copy Share Image
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Both law and comedy are heavily focused on thought and viewing all angles. To write a good joke, you have to look… — Troy Walker Copy Share Image
So in the end it wasn't Gödel, it wasn't Turing, and it wasn't my results that are making mathematics go into an… — Gregory Chaitin Copy Share Image
I have a neighbor he is from China, he is a dwarf, I ask him what his name is? He said, Tai… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know,… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!. — Rob Zombie Copy Share Image
Education is incomplete without 5 B's B - Bikes B - Beers B - Babes B - Bunks and the most important… — Vinesh Copy Share Image
It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in… — Tommy Chong Copy Share Image
It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
Power is nothing without a rock solid core. Pilates is the key to activating it...guys don't be fooled just 'cause women do… — DeMarcus Ware Copy Share Image
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
A comedy can actually get funnier and funnier. Even though you know the joke, you enjoy it so much, it's the facial… — Eli Roth Copy Share Image
There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer,… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up… — Larry David Copy Share Image
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can… — Romain Grosjean Copy Share Image
Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not… — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
I don't do plays without jokes anymore. I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit… — Bill Nighy Copy Share Image
![“There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.” quote by John Mulaney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6b3/john-mulaney-7291_episodes_there-s-john-mulaney-show-jokes-that-i-h_1959102.jpg)
