I love working on the fly when the writers come up with new jokes on show nights. It's exciting. I love it… — Allison Janney Copy Share Image
I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman… — Max Kauffmann Copy Share Image
At MakerBot, we joke that if we were engineers we would still be on our first prototype. There's something about just 'Doing… — Bre Pettis Copy Share Image
I write in reverse: Rather than come up with a narrative and write jokes for that narrative, I write jokes independently of… — Jeff Kinney Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can… — Paul Provenza Copy Share Image
The Communists have for decades loudly proclaimed their goal of destroying the bourgeois world, while the West merely smiled at what seemed… — Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn Copy Share Image
I joke that I stick with the job because it covers my insurance, but the reality is that my career has always… — Michelle Obama Copy Share Image
You think it's funny? well I'm going to think it's funny when someone treats you like shit, and makes you do this… — Alexia Copy Share Image
The joke's on them. One little hypodermic wont' be enough. Split a piece of wood, and they'll find me. Lift up a… — Jodi Picoult Copy Share Image
I never heard Coen brothers get defensive, ever. You get with these filmmakers doing the hardest work in the world, and they're… — Beth Grant Copy Share Image
More than anything I have learned that we are all frail people, vulnerable and wounded; it is just that some of us… — Sheila Cassidy Copy Share Image
I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke completely at… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
I first understood the changes that were necessary in this world, because the waiters in the restaurant, when I cried, used to… — Grace Lee Boggs Copy Share Image
That's one of the things about comedy that annoys me the most from a comedian perspective. Comedy has gotten so segregated. Now… — Michael Che Copy Share Image
So you wanna hear a joke, its not funny so you wont laugh, so there are three tomatoes walking down the street… — Pulp Fiction Copy Share Image
The only rule was that the stuff had to be funny and pretty short. To me, the quintessential Army Man joke was… — George Meyer Copy Share Image
Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture; the most resonant of them get lodged in the language… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be… — Nikki Sixx Copy Share Image
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would be… — Charles Krauthammer Copy Share Image
If you're going to have a book full of clever people and nobody ever jokes, it's just not going to ring true… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
So this year we doing the whole jesus on the cross thing .. All you Jesus wannabees inbox .. you definately gonna get nailed .. — Joey Bones Copy Share Image
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
Husband: Tell me an Interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully… — Henry Cho Copy Share Image
Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know… — Eric Andre Copy Share Image
Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me, it's… — Michael De Luca Copy Share Image
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all… — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to… — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, “Oh, no, I'm joking,… — Anna Torv Copy Share Image