Jokes Quotes · Page 67

But today, I feel the genuine warmth, the affection, and although I may joke about it, I am touched.

— Perry Como

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke.

— Jay Leno

Even if it's a white crowd, I tell my jokes for the four black people in the room, not the 100 whites.

— Gary Owen

I wonder what Soulja Boy ate for breakfast today...YOOOOUUUUUUUUU , Soulja Boy is a cannibal.

— Ramandeep Singh

Ain't singing for Pepsi, ain't singing for Coke, I don't sing for nobody, makes me look like a joke.

— Neil Young

Most interesting line written on the front of T-shirt of a girl, . . . . . . . Excuse me ! My face is above.;-)

— Anonymous

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

— George S. Kaufman

My Lord told me a joke. And seeing Him laugh has done more for me than any scripture I will ever read.

— Meister Eckhart

I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're…

— Wallace Shawn

Hardly anyone today thinks about sex. We joke about it, dream about it, watch movies about it, listen to music about it,…

— Jason Evert

There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner…

— Nate Corddry

Surrealism can only deliver a reactionary judgment; can make out of history only an accumulation of oddities, a joke, a death trip.

— Susan Sontag

I was never a joke teller. I don't even like jokes, for the most part. I don't like to hear them, and…

— Ed O'Neill

“When does a wife know that her husband is cheating on her? When he starts complaining about the lack of water as…

— Felix Abt

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

— Joan Rivers

The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car... Is having to poop as soon as you get out…

— Anonymous

I have always believed that there should be no subject about which one cannot make jokes, religion included. Clearly, one is always…

— Rowan Atkinson

What remains of your past if you didn't allow yourself to feel it when it happened? If you don't have your experiences…

— David Rakoff

I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much... because it's the only thing that'll make it stop…

— Robert A. Heinlein

I remember when I did 'Click' and I'd see Adam Sandler's fan base. He's the guy that people feel that he's their…

— Kate Beckinsale

Keep your shirt on," she said with a laugh at her bad joke. "Your clothes are at the laundry. They'll deliver them…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

As "Calvin and Hobbes" went on, the writing pushed the drawings into greater complexity. One of the jokes I really like is…

— Bill Watterson

Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand…

— Brian P. Cleary

I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the…

— Steve Martin

English had hit upon a splendid joke. The intended to catch me or to bring me down.

— Manfred von Richthofen

Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them.

— Joan Rivers

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

— Daniel Tosh

Teacher: What tense is I am beautiful in? Student: Its surely the past tense.

— Curly

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions

— Criss Jami

When I was a child, if someone had talked to me about buying water, I would have thought it was a joke.

— Assata Shakur

Never trust an Italian who don't like pasta as his breakfast.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't imagine saying the same joke for three hours. I don't know how that would work.

— Daniela Bobadilla

I love south africa : they ask this guy : So sir will ever try do bicycle stunts: SiR: No I am…

— Syntific

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy…

— Howie Carr

Slavery is nothing to joke about! And the history of this nation's [the USA's] involvement with slavery is nothing to pass off…

— Douglas Wilder

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to…

— Dave Spikey

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought…

— Robert Collier

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money.…

— Steven Wright

The truth is, my dad was a great driver. I mean, he could handle an automobile. He loved speed. He used to…

— Joe Biden

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do…

— Demetri Martin