Alan King

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and…

— Alan King

The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on…

— Alan King

I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she…

— Alan King

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

— Alan King

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an…

— Alan King

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

— Alan King

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of…

— Alan King

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

— Alan King

There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him,…

— Alan King

Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says…

— Alan King

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.

— Alan King

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

— Alan King

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and…

— Alan King

Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.

— Alan King

It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

— Alan King

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and…

— Alan King

My wife is a very attractive woman, and she's always worried about her diet. But she doesn't pay attention to me, and…

— Alan King

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.

— Alan King

Smoked salmon is for dinner. Belly lox is for breakfast. Don't get that mixed up.

— Alan King

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

— Alan King

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

— Alan King

Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and…

— Alan King

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

— Alan King

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.

— Alan King

I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.

— Alan King