Yo mama is so hairy, she went to the zoo and the zookeeper said, Hey! We got a loose gorilla! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there. — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about new friendships is to try to figure out the boundary for jokes — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I never knew what basketball was. I started playing on the playground. People used to laugh at me and joke at me… — Patrick Ewing Copy Share Image
A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We cuss Congress, and we joke about 'em, but they are all good fellows at heart, and if they wasn't in Congress,… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they… — Billy Corgan Copy Share Image
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me, you all are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking,… — Paperjam Copy Share Image
It's harder when people are playing along, because it's just not as funny. They're trying to be funny, and it sort of… — Steve Carell Copy Share Image
As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that… — Alex Hirsch Copy Share Image
In my Dream +ME, I asked GOD why I have to be a good person? Is everyone don't do good to me.… — Hourbebe Copy Share Image
“What’s wrong?” Billy’s question had me looking up. My second-oldest brother was already dressed for work in his suit and tie. “And shouldn’t you be fishing with Hank?”… — Penny Reid Copy Share Image
On a spiritual level, on a place where you want to be a better human being and listen more, I try. I… — Jake Gyllenhaal Copy Share Image
When I worked with Chevy Chase, Michael Ritchie would say, "Just ad lib and try to break me up. Just insult me.… — Tim Matheson Copy Share Image
I was always pretty broad. I've had a couple bad experiences. One time, I showed up late for a gig in Brooklyn… — Nick Swardson Copy Share Image
“Well, what, what new thing can they say to me that I don't know myself? And is that the point? The point… — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or… — Natasha Lyonne Copy Share Image
Brad Pitt is great fun. He jokes around all the time and has a real quality about him. On set the director… — Jason Flemyng Copy Share Image
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination. — Martha Gellhorn Copy Share Image
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this. — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate ya but if you happen to get hit by a bus, I might be the one driving.. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household. — Scott Pruett Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. — Coco Chanel Copy Share Image
