I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies. — Clive Cussler Copy Share Image
If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again. — Milt Kamen Copy Share Image
John's relationship with each of the other Beatles was different. He was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who often had him… — Cynthia Lennon Copy Share Image
It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes… — Daniel Radcliffe Copy Share Image
May I take your order, sir? the waiter asked. Yes. How do you prepare your chickens? Nothing special, sir, he replied. We… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
The good Lord in his ultimate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable: hope, jokes, and dogs, but the greatest… — Robyn Davidson Copy Share Image
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. Today's… — Kevin Copy Share Image
I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
Comedy is a very personal thing, as you would know if you've ever told the same joke to two people and had… — Andrew Denton Copy Share Image
teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with… — Douglas Rushkoff Copy Share Image
Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
The White Company offers its loyalists an altogether better, whiter world. The White people have edited out any colours that aren't white,… — Peter York Copy Share Image
Great short stories and great jokes have a lot in common. Both depend on what communication-theorists sometimes called "exformation," which is a… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
The incarnation is “a kind of vast joke whereby the Creator of the ends of the earth comes among us in diapers… — Frederick Buechner Copy Share Image
All womankind, from the highest to the lowest love jokes; the difficulty is to know how they choose to have them cut;… — Laurence Sterne Copy Share Image
I know the M-word makes you nervous, but yeah. I'm talking about the big, permanent friendship. A little different from what Joe… — Suzanne Brockmann Copy Share Image
“what came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.” — Teresa Mummert Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your friend jokingly says something about you but it secretly true. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Open your eyes, close your mouth; See the flies, froze your laugh, cuz you now in dustbin — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There's usually nothing in a guy's joke in which we have to understand what's going on in someone else's mind. — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients? — Scot Kennedy Copy Share Image
I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV. — MyAnna Buring Copy Share Image
Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers. — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
“The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
