Jokes Quotes · Page 55

The jokes that take my last name and equate them to a sex act ... is a really cruel thing to do.

— Monica Lewinsky

I use mother-in-law jokes, kid jokes, tax jokes - anything that works.

— Nipsey Russell

There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side, which is still my side!

— Anonymous

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie.

— Kristen Stewart

There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.

— Drew Carey

In the whole of the New Testament there is not one joke, that fact alone would invalidate any book.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But its a joke, a blot on American history.

— Frank Waters

To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to…

— Neil Peart

Husband: Tell me an Interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than…

— Anonymous

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a…

— Daniel Tosh

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully…

— Henry Cho

Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know…

— Eric Andre

Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me, it's…

— Michael De Luca

My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all…

— Mike Stud

I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of…

— Mel Brooks

What remains of your past if you didn't allow yourself to feel it when it happened? If you don't have your experiences…

— David Rakoff

Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut…

— Terry Pratchett

I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite,…

— Anthony Jeselnik

If the first ‘Hangover’ movie were this awful, there never would have been a Part Two. This is a joyless, unfunny mix…

— Mick LaSalle

Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a…

— Louis C. K

Standing as a witness in all things means all things - big things, little things, in all conversations, in jokes, in games…

— Margaret D. Nadauld

And spare me the jokes about scoring." "Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't…

— Cassandra Clare

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor. You have to be able to…

— Stephen Colbert

I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring.

— Norman Parkinson

I don't have a twitter account. A twitter account have me.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

— Bruce Forsyth

“Alec said you do that," said Jace. "Deflect questions about yourself with jokes.”

— Cassandra Clare

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

— Sandra Bernhard

You step in with the Seth Rogens of the world, you better have some jokes.

— Charlie Hunnam

Anything traumatic in my life I've always dealt with through jokes and comedy.

— Paul Rudd

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.

— Chinese Proverbs

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.

— Bill Burr

Jokes are so personal, and they bring us together in so many ways.

— Mike Birbiglia

Your mama is so stupid, she kept turning left to avoid the wrong turn sign

— Anonymous

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just try to be as nice as possible and make fun of myself and laugh at the jokes.

— Mikaela Shiffrin