I hate when skinny girls say,omg Im so fat. If you are fat does that make me a whale? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I ain't no joke, I used to let the mic smoke, Now I slam it when I'm done and make sure it's… — Rakim Copy Share Image
My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me. — Lady Gaga Copy Share Image
I've always been 'ethnic friend,' without any serious moments, all jokes. — Al Madrigal Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I started doing my own animated movies when I was in ninth grade; that's when I got the filmmaking bug. When I… — Judah Friedlander Copy Share Image
People joke about me that I talk in voiceovers. I have that sort of inflection. But I do talk in voiceovers. I… — Matt Nix Copy Share Image
I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't… — Sherilyn Fenn Copy Share Image
As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody - family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers - giving me jokes about the… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate… — Gracie Gold Copy Share Image
Life, like the boring drunk at the office party, keeps seeking you out, leaning on you, killing you with pointless yarns and… — Glen Duncan Copy Share Image
There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which… — Alex Turner Copy Share Image
I don't take myself that seriously when it comes down to that stuff. My drummer is my favorite drummer in the world,… — Aaron Bruno Copy Share Image
The deepest motivation for a lot of artists is obviously the one they all share: their great fear they are a fraud.… — Philip-Lorca diCorcia Copy Share Image
Authenticity seems like sort of a joke. Actually I believe it was the late comedian George Burns who said, "if you can… — Jeffrey Pfeffer Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom,… — Roger Ebert Copy Share Image
I was really enjoying one of the screenings of 'Beautiful Creatures' and there was this little 14-year-old boy sitting next to me… — Alice Englert Copy Share Image
Sometimes my humor does offend people, and I've said it before: I don't write jokes to be offensive. I write jokes to… — Moshe Kasher Copy Share Image
I'm not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't good at anything artsy, ever. I think… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
