I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere. — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech. — Orlando Aloysius Battista Copy Share Image
What a joke! Poor little rich girl's fallen in love with the Republic's most famous criminal. — Marie Lu Copy Share Image
You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening. — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
At the shock of a joke, everything disappears but the present moment. — Russell Simmons Copy Share Image
When we can't laugh again and again on the same joke... there's no point crying again and again for the same pain. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it,… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh… — Ryan North Copy Share Image
The mind may be reluctant to think properly when thinking is all it is supposed to do; the task can be as… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every since it started snowing, my little brother has been looking through the window, guess it's high time I let him inside — Avalon Copy Share Image
My family always says my voice is a gift—a precious jewel I inherited from my maternal grandma, Julia Kate Hudson. My sister… — Jennifer Hudson Copy Share Image
Stand-up in general is the most raw form of entertainment. There is no pyrotechnics or back-up dancers, it's just live and die… — Dustin Diamond Copy Share Image
For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
The talented actor needs craft. When you do a stage play, you do it once each night in chronological order. In a… — Martin Landau Copy Share Image
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My life motto is basically to lower your standards and expectations so you're never disappointed and never put any trust in anything,… — Tavi Gevinson Copy Share Image
I have just been to a city in the West, a city full of poets, a city they have made safe for… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
Since my act is a goofy reflection of what's going on in my life, I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
we are beginning to understand that this instinct of sex which has been so great a cause of suffering and shame and… — Maude Royden Copy Share Image
