“And there's a cop over there." "What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that stood at the corner of… — Ally Carter Copy Share Image
I was very shy as a kid but when I found out I could perform and have people's attention everything changed for… — Justin Timberlake Copy Share Image
Most of my favorite tweets go completely ignored but most of my favorite tweets are probably really lame or inside jokes between… — Roxane Gay Copy Share Image
Tom did not suck my dick on a cruise while Kate Holmes ran away after Lord Xenu farted flying giraffes. — Jeremy Limn Copy Share Image
I don't really write jokes down. I tend to have a premise that I work out and test on stage. — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
I am very optimistic about the long run prospects for democracy in China. Chinese society is being dramatically and rapidly transformed. And… — Larry Diamond Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a Share To Facebook button??? Who watches porn and thinks, You kno who would really enjoy this????… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it,… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
She can be beautiful on the outside but a god damn retard on the inside. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made broccoli a lot more fun to hunt! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that,… — Bob Dylan Copy Share Image
A comedy can actually get funnier and funnier. Even though you know the joke, you enjoy it so much, it's the facial… — Eli Roth Copy Share Image
For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did… — Gary Gulman Copy Share Image
I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring. — Norman Parkinson Copy Share Image
Sometimes you just create a joke out of thin air in the editing room. I'm really glad I've had that experience. It… — Ed Helms Copy Share Image
Jack Benny, Fred Allen. Their jokes were wonderful. It takes skill to be funny. The timing of Jack Benny was so fine.… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
If God gives you (or makes you) a joke, what are you meant to do in response? (Receive it. Laugh.) If God… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
I like that we don't have to come out the first 10 minutes and score, you know, with joke, joke, joke. We… — Bruce Vilanch Copy Share Image
I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone.… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
