Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people...watch me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage. — Sophia Bush Copy Share Image
Like Toy Story, the joke is all about exploring the secret world of these various everyday objects. — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
Donald Trump has shown that he will essentially attack individuals, make Second Amendment jokes. — Reid Hoffman Copy Share Image
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Twitter taught me how to become better at writing jokes because it forces you to chip away at all the extraneous words. — Peter Serafinowicz Copy Share Image
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you,… — Bernie Sanders Copy Share Image
What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don't actually… — Howard Dean Copy Share Image
I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We’re built to deal with death, disease, failure, struggle, heartbreak, problems. It’s what separates us from the animals and why we envy… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to… — Kevin Brockmeier Copy Share Image
I was so amazingly witty when I had the No. 1 movie, you have no idea. People laughed at every single one… — Rebecca De Mornay Copy Share Image
We first got marijuana from an older drummer with another group in Liverpool. We didn't actually try it until after we'd been… — George Harrison Copy Share Image
First of all, I don't think of myself as a northern Michigan writer. I think of myself as an American writer who… — Jack Driscoll Copy Share Image
Fine - I said huffily. - But I hope I'm at least allowed to fly around the corridors during lunch hour. Gabriel… — Alexandra Adornetto Copy Share Image
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
