Jokes Quotes · Page 11

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.

— Stephen Colbert

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond....

— Steve Martin

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

— Jokes About Chuck Norris

I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material.…

— Daniel Tosh

I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes…

— Daniel Radcliffe

Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom,…

— Roger Ebert

I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't…

— Sid Watkins

I learned how fast you can go from being an international hero to being a reference in a joke on a late…

— Michael Phelps

I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.

— Helena Christensen

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

— Geoffrey Parfitt

I said it, just like that. No stupid jokes, no changing the subject. For once, I wasn't embarrassed, because it was the…

— Kami Garcia

When my family all got together, I'd always get up and entertain everyone, but it was all a bit of a joke.…

— Duffy

I could get you to smile like that, and without sales tax." I whirled around to find the real Patch standing in…

— Becca Fitzpatrick

A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke…

— Soren Kierkegaard

I used to watch 'Coming to America' every day after school. I have full-on long-running inside jokes with friends and family about…

— Gabourey Sidibe

She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh.

— Sharon Olds

“If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.”

— honeya

I do Twitter, but I'm still not great on it - I'm not good at writing short little jokes, so my Twitter's…

— Cecily Strong

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

— Bob Saget

Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they…

— Neil Strauss

The biggest risk for this generation is to have a haircut from a new salon..!!

— Anonymous

I think, in comedy, timing is everything. You and I could tell the same joke, but if one of our timing is…

— T.I

I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for…

— Tim Heidecker

The Internet kept the joke going. Abevigoda.com was devoted to updating the actor's status, as was @AbeVigodaUpdate, a Twitter account.

— Audie Cornish