Jokes Quotes · Page 10

I have "come back" [to music scene] so many times, people are just like, Is this another one?... It's kind of like…

— Britney Spears

Thou can'st not joke an enemy into a friend, but thou may'st a friend into an enemy.

— Benjamin Franklin

Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female and opposite overreaction!

— Anonymous

the announcement that you are going to tell a good story (and the chuckle that precedes it) is always a dangerous opening.

— Margot Asquith

Never put a razor inside your nose - even as a joke.

— Jake Johannsen

Life as such has to be taken as a cosmic joke - and then suddenly you relax because there is nothing to…

— Rajneesh

Three Things to Prevent... Laziness, Falsehood and Slander.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For jokes as well as justice come in with speech. - Aslan, The Magician's Nephew

— Anonymous

Europeans hate the way Americans talk. They think we're loud and uncouth and they don't like our jokes, except for Michael Moore.…

— Denis Boyles

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke.

— Jenifer Lewis

Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction.

— Peter Chernin

Almost any tale of our doings is comic. We are bottomlessly comic to each other. Even the most adored and beloved person…

— Iris Murdoch

I remember when I did 'Click' and I'd see Adam Sandler's fan base. He's the guy that people feel that he's their…

— Kate Beckinsale

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy…

— Howie Carr

The two-party system is a bad joke on the American people; when it comes to Republicans and Democrats remember they are two…

— Aaron Russo

The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked…

— Leslie Jones

There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars."

— Larry the Cable Guy

If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us…

— Robert Patrick

I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled.

— David Letterman

It's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard.

— Anonymous

Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

I literally cannot remember one joke.

— Judd Apatow

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. Today's…

— Kevin