I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't think, if anything, I don't think it's a feeling of hopelessness that people feel. I think if they feel -… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I always get that cautionary warning right before I get off the phone with an interviewer. It's: 'Good luck with the show.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
(Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion:… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg)
