Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding jam sessions: Jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the interesting things about "outsidership" is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like to write without being stoned. I like to have a hit or two and then go punch up the writing.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
