Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses? — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.” — Nights Raven Copy Share Image
... I think that I was too self-centered to ever develop good skills as a peacemaker. In my younger days, I assumed… — Cory Doctorow Copy Share Image
“He's gaining on us," the Turk said. "That is also inconceivable," the Sicilian said. "Before I stole this boat we're in, I… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“All I'm saying is that you shouldn't rule out the possibility that God has a hand in all our lives--yours, mine, your… — Tina Radcliffe Copy Share Image
“It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Not everyone who talks less or keeps quiet whenever they are with or around you does that because they find you interesting… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have… — Bat Masterson Copy Share Image
If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to… — Jilly Cooper Copy Share Image
I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. — Fred Couples Copy Share Image
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. — Alfred Kahn Copy Share Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament! — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, The fate of empires and the fall of kings; While quacks of State must… — Robert Burns Copy Share Image
“When you want something done, you ask a man. When you want it done quietly and without any fuss, you ask a… — Mercedes Lackey Copy Share Image
You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. — Joey Adams Copy Share Image
I love making people laugh, and to be able to be that humorous character was great. And I actually was very similar… — Matthew Lewis Copy Share Image
