“There shouldn't ever be a gas shortage in our world...when so many people are full of it!” — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Not a week after Annie put her foot in Mrs. Huffmaster's duff, the Captain upped and laid down the date.” — James McBride Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.” — Evangeline Anderson Copy Share Image
#3 pencils and quadrille pads.(when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer ) — Seymour Cray Copy Share Image
“Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.” — Ljupka Cvetanova Copy Share Image
“I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the… — Brian MacLearn Copy Share Image
“Many great people had been considered to be boring, like Nigel Mansell, but anyone who had read the racing driver’s autobiography, "Clutch… — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
[John] Adams's letters to [his wife] Abigail are wonderful. In his letters, he is loving, humorous, preachy, learned, and saucy. He speaks… — Gordon S. Wood Copy Share Image
Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“I didn't do anything wrong. I swear.' He grunted. 'Like I've never heard that before. Funny, but I expected a little more… — Mindee Arnett Copy Share Image
Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, And every vector dreams of matrices. Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
“On a cooler sun on a primordial earth: "I later learned that biologists, when they are feeling jocose, refer to this as… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Indeed, so far from being humorous, the male American is the most abnormally serious creature who ever existed.. It is only fair… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“Well?" said Loki. "What about you, Heimdall? Do you have any suggestions?" "I do," said Heimdall. "But you won't like it." Thor… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Though she doesn't remember any trauma, she said that her parents told her she cried on a daily basis and her grandmother… — Mila Kunis Copy Share Image
Back in the late '90s, I put together a humorous newsmagazine program called 'The Awful Truth' for Bravo. We helped one guy… — Michael Moore Copy Share Image
“It’s SpongeBob, Eleanor,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as though I were some sort of idiot. “SpongeBob SquarePants?” A semi-human… — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
“Observation" If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark. If I'm in bed each night by… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Jessamine blew out her cheeks in exasperation. "I think you ought to let me take poor Tessa into town to get some… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two… — John Barrymore Copy Share Image
“Basset Hounds never get scared. We’re fearless, resolute and know how to season a good lamb chop.” — Elias Zapple Copy Share Image
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?” — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
“Sorry. Sometimes my mouth engages before making contact with my brain.” — Jayson James Copy Share Image
“If at first you don't succeed, try to eat a big lunch and take a nap...er wait, no... #badadvice” — Jayce O'Neal Copy Share Image
“She batted those eyelashes at me so hard I thought I felt a breeze.” — Maddie Dawson Copy Share Image
The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You're a transsexual fighting with a hermaphrodite over a mistress. — Jerry Springer Copy Share Image
“Emma was doing something nice for Simon? Hell must be enjoying the snow day.” — E.J. Stevens Copy Share Image
“Every time you smoke a cigarette, God takes an hour off your life and gives it to Keith Richards” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Tears are kind of like urine. There's only so long you can hold them in.” — Julie Buxbaum Copy Share Image
The pesimist says: it cannot get any worse. The optimist joyfully exclaims: yes, it can! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
![“[John] Adams's letters to [his wife] Abigail are wonderful. In his letters, he is loving, humorous, preachy, learned, and saucy. He speaks to her with almost complete abandon, revealing all of his sensuous and vulnerable nature.” quote by Gordon S. Wood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/781/gordon-s-wood-13199_abandon_john-adams-s-letters-to-his-wife-abigail_1330879.jpg)
