“age is a state of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.” — Satchel Paige Copy Share Image
“Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.” — Ljupka Cvetanova Copy Share Image
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
The thing I miss about Air Force One is they don't lose my luggage. — George H. W. Bush Copy Share Image
“If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.” — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
In cross examination, as in fishing, nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch. — Louis Nizer Copy Share Image
Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back — Robert Quillen Copy Share Image
The humorous man recognizes that absolute purity, absolute justice, absolute logic and perfection are beyond human achievement and that men have been… — Brooks Atkinson Copy Share Image
I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Having our old Gran in the car was like having a cranky 'Tassie Tiger' sitting in the back. You never knew when… — Elizabeth M. Thompson Copy Share Image
I've watched goldfish make babies, and ants execute earwigs. I've seen a fly deliver live young while having its head eaten by… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
“I've fucked you, licked you, bound you, flogged you, and spanked you. Jesus, Lilly, how much more do you want to get… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Come, let us hasten to a higher plane, Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn, Their indices bedecked from one to… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
“The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have become super… — Sariah Wilson Copy Share Image
“Ryker, you ride with Orlando,” Ryker mocked in a snarky voice as he turned to the other man. He gestured toward the… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“I need you to get inside Wayne's head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant… — Marian Keyes Copy Share Image
Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I have a theory about pink pastry boxes. So much joy comes from those boxes. When someone walks into a room with… — Liza Palmer Copy Share Image
... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia… — Azita Ghanizada Copy Share Image
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Most sane human beings who have managed to attain and retain fame each uses it to dramatically increase their name’s chances of… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself.” — Helen Fielding Copy Share Image
I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach. — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
“Sometimes life takes oreos. But we have to learn to deal with it.” — Kayleigh Zubrod Copy Share Image
“One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors.” — Gillian Flynn Copy Share Image
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? — Brian Boyle Copy Share Image
“He will work off his crudities in time. I rather mistrust young men who slip into life gracefully.” — E. M. Forster Copy Share Image
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. — Mae West Copy Share Image
“Some people react to suffering by denying the very possibility of God's existence” — Michael Ots Copy Share Image
I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
