“Names I am most commonly called by telemarketers: Simone, Slain, Siobhan, Flo, Stacey, Susan, Slater, Leanne, and Slow (Yes, my parents named… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Shortly after this exchange my roommate suggested we start throwing water balloons at the construction workers. Not really at them because, I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I think humor is the social use. You can put anything in it. I think - yes, I speak heavily in analogies… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons; I will accept those gladly. But I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“[He] is the worst kind of asshole they make - the kind who is completely oblivious to how he sounds, the kind… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“There's a lot of pointing. A festival of pointing and at very close range to other people's eyes, given the width of… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“How above-the-law children's books are. Hansel and Gretel (littering, breaking and entering), Rumpelstiltskin (forced labor), Snow White (conspiracy to commit murder), Rapunzel… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Names I am most commonly called by telemarketers: Simone, Slain, Siobhan, Flo, Stacey, Susan, Slater, Leanne, and Slow (Yes, my parents named me "Slow".… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“I’m not sure how the ponies happened, though I have an inkling: “Can I get you anything?” I’ll say, getting up from a dinner… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“If I could just get my partner to see me how she used to - to fall in love with me all over again… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I don't really think of my essays as being about myself. I know it sounds insane, but I just don't think of them as… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
It takes a level of creative depression to hear 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' and weep. — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I wouldn't want to live in Berlin. It's bombed out and there's a lot of techno. — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
The reason that war is such a fascinating subject for writers is because it's a revealer. Put a bunch of people in an adrenaline-fuelled,… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Shortly after this exchange my roommate suggested we start throwing water balloons at the construction workers. Not really at them because, I know, I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
When it seems impossible that a deep connection with another person could just go away instead of changing form. It seems impossible that you… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
Because I am a horrible flincher, contact lenses are not an option. I'm always envious of contact-wearers. There are endless reasons to take off… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
