“I'm getting chest pains...You give me chest pains Uncle Willie. It's my fault you get excited. Yes, it's your fault! I only… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
“I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. It's either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
“You like a cracker? What kind of cracker? Graham, chocolate, cocoanut, whatever you want. Maybe just a plain cracker. I don't have… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
You get attached to the way you write, and I'm attached to notebooks. That's where I really write the plays. Just two or three… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
“Never have so many given so much for so long for so little for so few for so seldom.” — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement...Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
I don't like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
