“Faye burst into the room. She ignored Homer and went straight to the couch. Now what in hell's the matter?" she exploded.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A newspaper is ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Anytime you hear of anyone dying suddenly, it ought to ensure you appreciate the need to live suddenly.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are some things on which you can't place a value, your laughter is one of them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can make even the dullest day so damn interesting with your bright smile and hilarious sense of humor. You are simply… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I’m 100% certain of the quality of story I’m writing until I finish the outline and actually begin to write. At this… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says 'Trust me, you dont want to know.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Mr. Cupples came out of his reverie. "I think," he said, "I will have milk and soda-water." "Speak lower!" urged Trent. "The… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like fish... neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“He usually gets what he wants. And what he wants is to keep you safe. He really cares about you, you know.”… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Saying something funny and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That was actually funny. But I don't like you. So I'm not going to laugh. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How much better would the world be if a liars pants really did catch on fire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If robbers broke into my house ans searched for my money, I'd just laugh and search with them — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“However, there are quite a few current artists doing clever, creative musical comedy, including The Lonely Island, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit It. When you shut the lights off in the basement, you get out of there...fast! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What if birds aren't singing, they're just screaming because they're scared of heights? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HATING is an emotional disease... so for those who hate me... Hope you get well soon... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job...slowly raise your head and say 'In Jesus name, amen.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“One of the study's authors, Dr. Lee Berk, is actually a humor researcher because, when you get right down to it, laughter… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and yet I can't find a decent relationship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't help but wonder what would happen if I removed the USB before my device was ready... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not sure anybody's ready to see me in a drama. And loving movies so much, I've seen a lot of comics… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
