Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
![“[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.” quote by Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0f5/rodney-dangerfield-755_half_on-8-24-04-before-entering-a-los-angeles_1331635.jpg)
