Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
During episodes of unemployment I find it rewarding to sleep as much as possible-anything from twelve to fourteen hours a day is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk movies, and I noticed… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I wish that I had re-edited 'Theft By Finding' after I did the audio. Because the audio took 40 hours in the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
