In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That's when I began failing subjects and running away from home… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I am not a difficult man by any stretch, and I'm saying that with a full and honest inventory going on. I'm… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
