My wife is so bad at sex, I close my eyes and pretend she's my hand. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still dont know what they said. — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
Boy: you are the most funniest and beautiful girl I have ever met. Girl: you just want to fuck me. Boy: wow.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Astronaut restaurant review from the moon: The food is fine but there's not much atmosphere. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My boyfriend not allowed to wear anything Nike, the only thing he better be 'Just Doing' is me. — Caitlin Copy Share Image
CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Music, Sleep, Sex, and video games are the most effective stress relievers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Telling someone their breath smells without hurting their feelings...'Well I'm bored, let's go brush our teeth!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Well I guess I have to go to rehab because apparently I'm addicted to you. — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm singing a song and somebody corrects me -.- b*tch what if I was freestyling?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Had a weird dream last night that I murdered 4 people who unfollowed me on twitter. But woke up relieved to find… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone once told me nothing lasts forever .. so will you be my nothing? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
