A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment where your iPhone talks to you way more than your girlfriend. — Chad Robinson Copy Share Image
I mention someone, get no replyback, and I'm left feeling like an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friend said he didn't have time for Twitter like me, he has a job I replied shut the fuck up &… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give up drunk texting for Lent. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Officer to drunk boy : How high are you? Drunk Boy: No officer, its Hi! How are you? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, GOOD, A man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lmaooo You Got BIGGG Boobs & NO Butt. . . . . You Look Like The Letter P — Jason Santana Copy Share Image
Don't you hate when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything? — Nishan Singh Copy Share Image
I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations, you have officially earned the Dumber than a Box of Rocks Award. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I dont give a flying fish what the teacher says JESUS is always the answer... — Some Genius Copy Share Image
I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've been divorced twice, at 33, at least I'm a successful failure! — Desmond Fouche Copy Share Image
I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
