Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 44

He's waiting for me to reply, I'm waiting on my food to arrive.

— Anonymous

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja

Better to be thought stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook lets you know what everyones bathroom looks like.

— Itsme867

I'm not a NERD. I just don't want to work at MCDONALD'S when I'm older.

— Itsme867

LOVE, Is like measles -- much worse when it comes late in life;

— Nikhil Saluja

When youre good, youre good, when youre awesome youre me

— Hussein Nishah

My laptop is making weird noises I think its masturbating

— Amit Verma

Ladies, men will listen to all your problems if you learned how to say thank you with a blowjob.

— Ephrem Hardin

That awkward moment when someone skinnier than you says I'm so fat. and you stand there like. -__-

— Itsme867

The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when someone isn't texting you back and then you see them update their status from Mobile..

— Itsme867

If A Couple In Love Are Called Love Birds, Then A Couple Who Have Fought With Each Other Should Be Called Angry…

— Anurag Prakash Ray

Sex is like math: first you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't muliply.

— Anonymous

Me: its so hot in here friend: should I leave? ;D me: no your actually the air conditioner

— Francis

The awkward moment when it's quiet in class and ur stomach decides to sound like a dying whale

— Koaml

When two dudes fight is it called bro-ke up?

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello bitch,i am rich can I rent ya pussy for 1 week?

— Sniper

I just spotted some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces.

— Patience

I just reported spam someone for having a bad haircut.

— Nikhil Saluja

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

— Anonymous

The first status on Facebook in 2013: 'Is anyone alive?'

— Anonymous

My mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-bitch."

— Anonymous

Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Nikhil Saluja

And a real girlfriend would save him from bitches

— Anonymous

True love is just like rain; it touches us all.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal newspapers.

— Nikhil Saluja

With so many girls using filter, I'm assuming true beauty is hard to find nowadays

— Emanuel Sebastiao

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

— Green Monk

I think I'm starting to like NASCAR…just kidding.

— Anonymous

I last longer than Obamacare call center wait times.

— Anonymous

People get so weird when you put your fingers in their nose.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole.

— Anonymous

M noT laZy, M higHlY motIvatEd noT tO dO anYthNG!! :)

— Anonymous

LOVE, A sea of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses;

— Nikhil Saluja

When we go in this Store, Don't ask for SHIT, don't look at SHIT & don't touch SHIT!

— Deon Crockett

Everyone should agree that the library is kinda the best place to talk with friends..

— Kand3n

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja