I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone comments on a really old picture and you realize they were probably stalking your page. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw a man fall off his bike this morning. he looked around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when people think my tweets be about them like bitch , aint nobody thinking about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when you just want to listen to music but someone wants to constantly speak to you, making you pause… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Bitches be trying act like they single & happy...u single cause ya last name is LEE...UGG-LEE & LONG-LEE — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I do something like a ninja and there is nobody around to see! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you can't afford porn, just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh sorry, I couldn't hear you over the imaginary sex I was having with you in my head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment you realize youve been mispronouncing a word your entire life. — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
I once arm wrestled the Incredible Hulk. The loser had to paint himself green. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I dont like a female that WANT attention...bitch try N WANT some money — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
I'm sucker for a big chest and a shorty and, you can throw in the ass too I guess... — Kevin Mccarty Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm 4 months pregnant, and its your baby . — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There is so much drama on Facebook, I'm surprised that they don't have an awards show. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
