Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 40

I feel like getting some work done, so I'm going to sit here until the feeling passes.

— Anonymous

Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children

— Anonymous

My wife nearly crashed the car today. Thankfully I remembered to hide the keys.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's hard to make a comeback When you haven't been anywhere.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I had to be any Kardashian sister, I would choose Bruce Jenner.

— Anonymous

Facebook is like girls, once you understand them they change.

— Anonymous

Im the person that the more you complain about me, the harder Ill try to annoy you

— Hussein Nishah

Don't judge me cause I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.

— Meee

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake...After three days of pain and agony…the rattle snake died.

— Anonymous

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook should have some kind of limit on the number of times that people can change their relationship statuses. After five or…

— Ryan Swain

I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China...

— Anonymous

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real

— Hussein Nishah

Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it screwed you.

— Enhance Dreams

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on…

— Michael Lazarus

Income tax season: season of the fake ballers

— Justin Mccloskey

I'm not a mind reader, your unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.

— Nikhil Saluja

Allowing gay marriages isn't nearly the gayest thing about California.

— Anonymous

Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being

— Hussein Nishah

I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters.

— Anonymous

Love can not be expressed with words, but with money .

— TheTowraMowra

I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

— Charlie Sheen

LOVE, Man's grand delusion that one woman differs from another;

— Nikhil Saluja

Someone once told me nothing lasts forever .. so will you be my nothing?

— Anonymous

Sleep is for the people who has no access to Internet.

— Enhance Dreams

Expectoration: If you go to a political rally, you should EXPECTORATION.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls are found in every corner of earth. But unfortunately earth is round.

— Anurag Prakash Ray

Don't text me while I'm texting you, now I have to change my text.

— Rakii Retondo

I rather be hated for who I am, then to be loved for who I am not.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: Men wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Ex-Wife was very hot. She died in burning car.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

— Anonymous

The most common phrase in China: 'Hey! You look familiar!'

— Anonymous

Admit it, you've farted & blamed it on somebody else before.

— Anonymous

My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.

— Nikhil Saluja

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

— Nikhil Saluja

Got in a wreck with a smart car today, its totaled. My bike is fine though.

— Anonymous

In today's world, the key to success is to delete your Facebook account!

— Anonymous