Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 41

The quickest way to get someones attention is to no longer want it.

— Nikhil Saluja

If facebook did have a dislike button there would be a lot of hurt feelings.

— Anonymous

Yes dad, Every guy I know is my boyfriend...

— Amanda

Stay classy Facebook and go fuck yourselfs...

— Kevin McCarty

S.o.b.e.r.= son of a bitch everythings real.

— Anonymous

There are exceptions is new replyback when someone disagree with your tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife is so bad at sex, I close my eyes and pretend she's my hand.

— Nikhil Saluja

Liking your own Facebook status Is like high fiving yourself in public.

— Anonymous

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

— Anonymous

Dear People of The World, I don't mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Proper Grammar.

— Anonymous

There are some people who can't sleep because they have insomnia, I'm one of those people who can't sleep because they have…

— Anonymous

Facebook should have a limit on how many times a relationship status can be change ... after 3 times it should be…

— Ronak Gurung

I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and Im still at work

— Hussein Nishah

My Friend dumped his GF last night. To make her feel better, I gave her company in her shower today & BITCH…

— Nikhil Saluja

Ghetto people always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford; Mercedes, Bentley, Pearl, Child support.

— Anonymous

My daughter's really into the Halloween spirit. She's been in her pregnant lady constume for months now.

— Anonymous

Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents.

— Anonymous

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

— Nikhil Saluja

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Most people don't realize their opinion is irrelevant as fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook account for sale..friends included!.. !

— Anonymous

Last night I called this girl. SLUT in public & now she is charging me double for sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hey HOE *She Turns Around* Who You Callin a Hoe?.. Bitch You Turned Around!

— Jerett Parker

People with funny head shapes always have the best hat collection.

— Joel Taylor

What is 2.5 inches long and can satisfy a woman every-time? A credit card.

— Anonymous

I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my dad says its ok. :)

— Itsme867

When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

— Anonymous

All women want is sex while men want to talk about feelings and cuddle.

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the DOCTOR says, Take off your clothes.

— Nikhil Saluja

History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A man hit me once. I was the last baby he ever delivered.

— Nikhil Saluja

If there was a cure for stupidity, Id post it and cure you all.

— Anonymous

I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

— Becca

It has been scientifically proven that the less you know, the more you think you know.

— Nikhil Saluja

I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

— Nikhil Saluja

Revenge is a dish best served on the boobs a couple of times.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness;

— Nikhil Saluja

I do my best proofreading right after I hit send.

— Anonymous

I never pay my attention. he's going to die poor.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl asks you what you need. The woman knows and gives you what you want.

— Nikhil Saluja