Funny Quotes · Page 59

We learn nothing by being right.

— Elizabeth Bibesco

Aint it funny what a hunny and a Lambourghini will do.

— Yelawolf

Anyone that can pull you down is already below you!

— Bishop Noel Jones

Taste everything, eat nothing.

— Bethenny Frankel

I watched a porno once, it was really funny.

— Katie Holmes

We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.

— Tony Robbins

There is a time to dance to techno and a time not to.

— Joe Strummer

Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

— Thomas Jefferson

Write what you know. Write what you don't know. But most of all, write what you'd rather not know.

— Sam Lipsyte

Act now. There is never any time but now, and there never will be any time but now.

— Wallace D. Wattles

I can never be on time for anything. I'm always 10 or 15 minutes late.

— Ray Toro

It was overwhelmingly beautiful to see my music performed.

— Sarah McLachlan

The Awkward Moment When The Teacher Cracks A Joke In The Class And Nobody Laughs...

— Pacifiersucker

That awkward distance of deciding whether or not to hold the door for someone.

— Anonymous

“You could always tell how much trouble you were in by how much someone stretched your name when they said it.”

— Janus Lucky

I actually think love changes everything. I think it's the only thing worth having.

— David Hare

“Ever since my famous battle with Python, I've had a phobia of scaly reptilian creatures. (Especially if you include my stepmother, Hera.…

— Rick Riordan

If you love someone so much you're waiting for them, you're noble. If you're making someone who loves you wait for you,…

— Nikhil Saluja

Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely…

— Dylan Moran

“Haskell to Quinlin You need anything, Quin, absolutely anything, you call me and I'll be there. Remember, friends help you move. Good…

— I.D. Locke

The conundrum that I face on a daily basis is that I have two sons who have grown up watching 'The Simpsons,'…

— Matt Groening

It's Funny But 90 Percent Of People At Some Point In Their Life Have Tried To Close The Fridge Slowly To See…

— Pacifiersucker

I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the…

— Ronald Reagan

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by…

— Frankie Boyle

Those that are above business.

— Matthew Henry

He who is full of joy is full of love.

— Baal Shem Tov

Due to Multi-Tenancy our gross margin by over 70%.

— Zach Nelson

To philosophize is to doubt.

— Michel de Montaigne

You cannot live without doing something.

— Carlos Slim

I already shot my wad on the Protestants!

— Gene Siskel

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

— Anonymous

One [has] to sense the trend of history and precede it.

— Elsa Schiaparelli

Conservatives, come out of the closet

— Jon Bruning

The more you know the less you talk.

— A. R. Rahman

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

— Ron White

I hold death in my pouch, I cannot die.

— Fela Kuti

It's not necessary to tell all you know.

— Harper Lee

When I'm singing the blues, I'm singing life.

— Etta James

People are as happy as they choose to be.

— Henry Ford

Make others happy, and you will be happy yourself.

— Lorenzo Snow