Funny Quotes · Page 58

Im not reckless. I was never reckless.

— Richard Hammond

It's compassion that makes gods of us.

— Dorothy Gilman

I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I'd do anything for a good poo story.

— Phoebe Waller-Bridge

“He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.”

— James Dashner

He who laughs last, probably uses Internet Explorer.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Hearing people singing wrong lyrics of a song Makes me remembering when I used to proudly sing 'ello Mello p' for the…

— Kemis Khan

Just remember, everything you are is...

— Reggie Watts

They told me I didn't understand the assignment, I told them they didn't understand life.

— John Lennon

To Thales the primary question was not what do we know, but how do we know it.

— Aristotle

When resistance no longer serves you, you'll no longer have it.

— John de Ruiter

I can't do anything without the ball so when I don't have it I have to go get it!

— Daryl Morey

Often it's seen as empowering if you're cleverer than the men, or more aware - then you're giving the woman a great…

— Natasia Demetriou

Everything I did in hockey, I worked for.

— Wayne Gretzky

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

— Anonymous

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

— Oscar Wilde

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

— Natasha Leggero

I hate when I'm tired & sleepy, but when I get in bed, my body is like Just kidding!

— Anonymous

True progress is slow but sure.

— Swami Vivekananda

If there's one thing I really love... it's sad music.

— Danny Elfman

We have a call to do good, as often as we have the power and occasion.

— William Penn

With The Great Power, Comes Huge Electricity Bill!

— Pacifiersucker

“I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

— Johnny Carson

It's not how deep you go, it's how you go deep.

— Ida Rolf

That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.

— Dennis Miller

“You know it feels good. I can hardly geta…I don’t even…” There was something amusing about watching him trying to form a…

— Charlotte Stein

If you can maintain that integrity in whatever you do, you can't go wrong.

— George Foreman

Its mess up when u never pay attention to somebody til u heard some freaky stuff about them...I havent pay any attention…

— IG:catone_2_funny

Everything I do is a symbol. Everything, has a meaning.

— Philippe Starck

I have news for you, there is no Superman (it’s up to us.)

— Tom Mboya

The great question...which I have not been able to answer... is, "What...does a woman want?"

— Ritu Ghatourey

“You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school." "Oh I believe it," I said, thinking…

— Richelle Mead

Part of my job as a presidential speechwriter (along with great writers like Jon Favreau and David Axelrod) was finding that sliver…

— Jon Lovett

Whenever someone says, ''It's getting hot in here'' I automatically think, ''So take off all your clothes

— Hussein Nishah

You don't know how much you've grown- until trouble comes back for an encore.

— T. D. Jakes

“You think you’re a pretty funny guy, don’t you?” “Well, I don’t want to brag…” “You know what’s really funny?” Geryon asks,…

— Dark Calling

There is such a thing as the courage in remaining baffled.

— Donald Antrim

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"

— Mitch Hedberg

Sorry the guy you spent so much time pretending to like lost the election.

— Anonymous

Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the…

— John Naughton